In the historical thesaurus I turn to for a break in everyday checks of the carers' whats app group, my me/mum joint diary, all the scattered to do lists (read mum's meters, check phone contract, shopping, ready meals, GP), I look up sedation, because I found a photo on my phone and have no idea where I took it or who could have sent it to me. It is surely in the category of Calmness and in contemporary retail, as an element of wellbeing. In the historical thesaurus it is associated with categories of Inaction, Motion in a certain direction, Healing/cure. But Quietness and Tranquility is my current category of choice, the go-to place, a noun listed with lulling, quietation, cooling, becalming and soothings, among others, and just reading the list I speak myself to a beach listening to waves, or this month, straining for the first murmurations of starlings over the marina as I drive into the carpark, great swirls of movement above me, the settling of a flock under a pub balanced above water, the lengths I do in the pool to deal with this daily watchfulness over another human life.
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